DeviantART and Wacom are proud to present the second Intuos4 "Bring Your Vision To Life" contest! Open to all artists all over the world, we challenge you to show us your dreams and aspirations for the future. Get drawing!
Comments
wee walking
castanets at cross borders to spite Roland for your town? jot - what a weird word this is. grok is a good one "two"... hope you like whimsy... now , you cannot forget me, no matter how hard you try. pip -- when a man refers to the woman [who chose him], as his better half, for once, he tells the truth. - llp - nov'09 Does this have to do with immigration & southern border issues? Just a thought...
-- You can see some of my finished work at: Moebius Trip Creations i suppose it could, though i had more of stateless groups in mind
-- =Texasdevmeet:it's what for dinner StJoan, M.D. of DramaLlamaology Literature GM at your service. |
|
Critiques
Casting nets across borders
Presumably to catch something, and here's where I think some clarification is needed, in order to connect the ideas more properly. You immediately jump to "to trade for souls", but as a reader, I've got no clue what it is the narrator is trying to give in order to take the souls.
Also, I think you could do without the last line. I was a bit under the impression the narrator was without a home based on the title. Unless, of course, you're looking to expand the poem at this point, in which case I guess you'd be looking more to add rather than take away.
If it's more that I've missed something as the reader, though, you might consider turning this into a mondo, as it fits the structure and would inevitably help the message of the poem.
Also, totally testing the Critique function just because I can, otherwise I'd post this in a normal comment. I'm disliking the rating function, which is why I'm mid-lining the lot of it.
Previous PageNext PageThank you for your Critique
You are not logged in.