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Shivah Baby by ^StJoan:iconStJoan:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Family Life > Open


The sun rises
on the third day
(no one sees it, despite the insistent
pounding of rays
on the shutters)
of sitting shiva in the same clothes
on the same pillows.
We don't mention the state
of Mother’s makeup,
and make sure the mirrors stay covered.

The kitchen is full
the smell of cooking stops
whetting appetites
and now nauseates,
still the neighbors cook.

On the dining table
from our hands and laps
the plates and dishes and drinks
and trash
gather and grow and pile,
building feet and legs,
the androgyny of a torso
built from casseroles,
arms of muffin bits,
neck of tea spiked
with some snuck liquor,
the head--photo albums,
baby books barely filled
with some life hardly lived.

The neighbors see it,
hope we haven't,
and slowly clear the table.
©2006-2009 ^StJoan
Details
Submitted: December 5, 2006
File Size: 1.0 KB
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Comments: 102
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Author's Comments

yeah. hit me

Edit- i've decided to keep the ands after all...for the rolling building feeling...the heaping of muck...still needs tweaks.

Edit again! WOW! A DD! Haha I'm really honored and very glad, to be honest this is perhaps one of my most favorite pieces i've ever put down. (ussually i'm not a fan of my poetry...irony)

All poetry means something, and as artists we have to divorce ourselves from that meaning if we are to learn and grow and fix the piece.
This piece i've rejoined the meaning of, and for once it has a truely important one for myself. It's dedicated to my mother and as can be read here: [link]

The reason is:
My sister died some years ago on the 26th of December, and I always felt like my mother wasn't given the proper means to really mourn her, this poem is a response to that and a piece of mourning in and of itself that let me, as her daughter, say goodbye to my sister in my own way, through the Jewish tradition.
[link]
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Related Pieces: [link]
Daily Deviation, 2007-01-30

Daily DeviationShivah Baby by =StJoan is an atmospheric piece filled with insistent imagery and phrases. (Suggested by =jake10684 and Featured by `PoeticWar)

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=salshep:iconsalshep: Dec 5, 2006, 7:43:10 AM
This is an amazing bit of writing. There's just one line I think is superfluous: "not long legs but the small and thin". Kinda breaks up the flow of that images. Love the casserole-torso. Good work.

--
<salshep> <ordie>I should wite something awsome
<salshep> It's true
<ordie> You're write. That's my one-size-fits-all reort.

#Cabal. Because someone needs to be.
^StJoan:iconStJoan: Dec 5, 2006, 7:52:01 AM
hrmm perhaps, might be reworded or chucked hrmm.

thanks thanks thanks

--
"The world is not enough- but it's such a perfect place to start" - Garbage
-
`roguewolf19 looks so Balla.
=lilmoongodess:iconlilmoongodess: Dec 5, 2006, 11:28:35 AM
well, your inference to Shiva in the title would suggest that you're alluding to starvation somewhere, as would your chosen imagery.

Is this a play of east vs west views?

--
Life is what we make it, and the world is what we make it. The eyes of the cheerful and of the melancholy man are fixed upon the same creation; but very different are the aspects which it bears to them.
Albert Pike
^StJoan:iconStJoan: Dec 5, 2006, 3:29:01 PM
nah Shiv'ah- the jewish tradition of mourning

--
"The world is not enough- but it's such a perfect place to start" - Garbage
-
`roguewolf19 looks so Balla.
~Misaniovent:iconMisaniovent: Dec 5, 2006, 4:36:19 PM
Several changes:

The kitchen is full
but the smell of cooking has stopped
whetting appetites;
it now nauseates
but still the neighbors cook.


building feet and legs.
not long legs but the small and thin,

At first I though I liked the lack of punctuation, but as I realized that you did use punctuation, I felt more and more like you should add it everywhere it may be necessary.

I see why you leave it out in some areas, but I think it needs it in others. As mentioned.

All in all, I really did like this.

--
Hide the past!
~Misaniovent:iconMisaniovent: Dec 6, 2006, 5:38:40 PM
bettah

--
Hide the past!
`Jon-Law:iconJon-Law: Dec 7, 2006, 6:35:30 PM
fabulous!

--
If I'm not writing, I'm just sitting here changing oxygen into carbon dioxide. Like a baby. A little shit and piss factory, maybe one day a man. Be a man today, motherfucker.
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